What To Do When Your Child is a Worrier

BY DR. DAN

Worry may appear in your children in all sorts of fashions. Is your child afraid of being alone or away from you or your co-parent? Is your child fearful of “bad” things happening or of closed places like in the closet or under the bed? Is your child scared of getting bad grades or failing in school? Or does your child get anxious when they aren’t allowed to be the boss or control things amongst their friends and school peers? All of these suggest your child may be worrying.

The first thing you can do is to identify this feeling with your child as an actual Worry Monster, a mythical creature whose job it is to make them feel scared. Giving this feeling a name and a living and breathing presence allows your child to imagine this feeling (monster) as being outside of them and separate from them, allowing you to battle the Worry Monster (worry and fear) together. You can even find a picture or draw one of a goofy, funny monster character. Then it’s time to start helping your child learn more skills to help drive this monster away.

First, we need to help your child understand that most worries stem from the Worry Monster tricking us into feeling uncomfortable or scared by messing with your thoughts. When we first feel one of these irrational thoughts, or thoughts that aren’t true, a small almond-shaped group of neurons in our brain called the amygdala goes off like a fire alarm. This is what triggers the “fight or flight” response. Our survival response is just that – it is designed to keep us alive! In order to do that, a slew of adrenaline is sent to our arms and legs to help us run or escape. However, this natural survival response causes a host of physiological symptoms within us such as heavy breathing, stomach pain, light headedness, heart palpitations, lump in the throat, clenched teeth, cold hands, etc. I have found it incredibly helpful to explain this response to children so that their body’s reactions to their fears become less of a mystery and scary to them. This helps them to feel empowered by knowing that it is just the Worry Monster making his visit again. This information tends to be very fascinating to kids, and again, helps them separate from the awful feelings.

Then it’s important to remind your children that these scary and overwhelming mental and physical sensations always DO go away. Let them know it’s like surfing a wave and they will get through it if they hang on for the ride.

Through this process of understanding what worry is and what worry does, your child will learn that in the end they have the power to drive the monster away. By using their thinking brain (which understands all this solid information you’ve given them) over their emotional brain, your child can work towards being happier and more productive.

For more information about the Worry Monster you can check out my companion books for parent and kids: Make Your Worrier a Warrior and From Worrier to Warrior.